MediaFire - - - - - - - - - DropBox

Sunday, 15 June 2008

Enya! Look, Im sorry...

phew...
.
Im a bit scared making this post, you see, I f**d up, like I sometimes do, and this ones a big one folks, and its a looong one, and this is the f**k up that nearlly broke me. Let me explain...
.
See, a looong time ago I made a song called RIPPIR based around the DeathMatch game Quake-1 Engine (go see my BANG video as an example), and sought for sample clearence from Enya's Management, ooh 10 years or so ago now. I had used a sample of Enya from one of her CDs in my collection, and have to say I was a HUGE fan, and am again now. (just read on and of-course the samples were taken out!!!)
.
(edit: the name RIPPIR by the way just came from the name of the original sample used off a sample cd. the percussion sample was simply called rippir, and well, it just stuch)
.
Sadly for me at the time of my request they wrote back and said words to the effect of NO!!! (lol, i am laughing now but then it was a different story back then i can tell you)
.
Well, at the time it quite literally broke my heart, and so as a consequence, I stopped playing her CDs from my collection. And for TEN years I held that grudge, well, maybe not the whole 10 years, but after a while, I just kinda forgot to play them. Cant explain it now really, but nevertheless, it started on a grudge that I held, and thats why you are now reading this post.
.
Now Im not gonna prove this to you in one single posting, but you can go ask the Scientists and Physisists in the know, you can go ask the Religous Leaders and Political Leaders in the know, and you will find that some are now starting to aknowledge that our Science and History are waaay mis-represented and do not reflect the truth as things stand today. As you will notice I am trying to keep myself as restrained as possible. This really is something I need to work on, and its hard so bear with me.
.
See, more and more people are coming out the woodwork and talking about our Universe being effected by thought! - TILT - Matter being effected by thought! Well, I know most of you reading this wont buy it yet, and quite rightly so. You see Science has been wrong, plain and simple, they got it all wrong. Now I believe it was deliberatelly so but nows not the post for that and so back to Enya i hear you all yaaawwwnnnn!!!
.
Well, Ive done enough homework and investigation now, aswell as some personal experiences to know that there is some truth in this, but as to how much, well Im still learning and all you guys and gals out there will come across some of this on your own journeys too. But again you say, wheres jsm going, wheres he going.
.
Well, if you are a Muslim, then you were always one step ahead of me. Im not Muslim but some of my friends are and they say words to the effect of you can see the damage you do to people by looking in their eyes.
.
Now i didnt know this when my Youtube Incident happened so please dont think I was influenced by another religions writings, i didnt know this at the time. And as I am, well, not religous as such, but very spiritual, always have been, but didnt really know why, and I tend to absorb any knowledge that I like the sound of, regardless of how obscure it is or isnt. You see, I just want the facts laid before me so I can make my own mind up!!!
.
Ok ok ok, by now you have seen right through my evasions when I get near to touchy subjects so here goes...
.
The Youtube incident actually started when the kids (two nephews and gorgeous neice) were as usual climbing all over me and my slooow internet connection, and low and behold, it took the brats to teach me the wonder of using Youtube to listen to your alltime favourite artists...
.
So when they buggered off to bed, I went a browsing through all my favourite 70s 80s, acid house, hip hop, the whole Chicago scene, and so on and so on...
.
Then i got to Enya. phew! boy did that knock me back for 6 i can tell you. I was just enjoying this new discovery of an old tool by now, then in a flash, after 10years or so, and NEVER seeing an Enya video EVER, i played a vid,,, Then i played another, and another, and another, and it just kept getting worse. This feeling inside was telling me, LOOK, LOOK carefully, at what you have done...
.
You see, every video i watched, i looked into Enyas eyes, and i just knew something wasnt right. I seemed to know those eyes, and something was missing, and it was partly my fault. By the end I had to stop as I was quite upset, and so called it a night...
.
But bearing in mind now my beliefs about a potential for a thought created Universe, and thinking of that grudge I held for sooo long, I began to wonder just how much damage I had managed to do to Enya, if any at all possible that is. And why did I know those eyes, why?...
.
Now getting into the analysis of this, it doesnt matter if its true or not, but what does matter is I knew i couldnt keep doing this. Crickey so i made a song with a sample, and she said no, big deal. But to hold a grudge for sooo long. Why? What for? Did i feel any better. F**K no!!! i can tell you...
.
Now I dont know if any of this had any effect whatsoever on Enya, but it has certainlly changed me and my outlook, and to be honest, im too shit scared to ask her,, hence this post. Maybe one day she will come across this and put my mind at ease or maybe even kick my ass. I dont know, but I do know this...
.
There is no more grudge, there is no more bitterness and anger or even jelousy over the Fugees getting theirs (lol aaah, am i kidding myself lol) but heres what i do now know...
.
I unconditionally forgive Enya and her Management for turning me down, in fact now I thank them for helping me only now become a much better person as a consequence of their actions. I also want the world to know my grudge is dead and burried and I am once again playing Enya like nobodys business again. Well, the old ones that is, I seriouslly cannot afford to buy the new ones LOL. And just as important, in fact more so, I also now forgive myself for my stupid childish actions, and now continouslly make every effort to curb the kid in me. Believe me I do try
.
And if Enya does read this, I would personally like to thank her for turning me into the person I am today and she doesnt even know. I am just so sorry that it was at your expense, be it only in thought. But know that from now on, and for ever, you will always have two Suns shining down on you no matter where you are or where you go. And know that it is my intent that your life becomes a better free'r happier one, and know that my thoughts of you have that intent, and that alone. Aswell as my hopes and wishes that you find that place or person once again in your thoughts and dreams. No more grudges, and no more axes to grind. I am SORRY!!!...
.
And Enya, If I could ask for but one thing in return it would be this. Please please please, the next time you make a video or an appearence, please, if only to put my consciounce and my guilt at ease, please, make those eyes shine...
.
Now go live happily ever after as I intend to.
love & light Enya & all.
jsm.
.

No comments: